


Duty and Defiance

by Smirkingfoxes



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Feelings, Hints towards OFC once being a prostitute, Mainly Kylo/OFC, OFC was once training as a jedi, Sex, Starts with Poe/OFC, Visions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-09-19 16:46:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9450839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smirkingfoxes/pseuds/Smirkingfoxes
Summary: Rynn Katwa was sent by Leia Organa to Tattoine in order to save her life. Almost a decade later, Rynn is living as a serving girl for one of the planet's seediest cantinas. However, General Organa sends her best soldiers to save the girl and reintroduce her to the life of a rebel. In this new chapter of her life, Rynn must determine whether to follow her new desires with the Resistance's best pilot or cling to the hope that Ben Solo still exists.





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn’t even sunset and the group of smugglers, thieves, and bounty hunters were already inebriated. Their loud laughter and a few arguments floated down to where a group of serving girls were preparing the next round of drinks. 

“Japla A’kazz has been asking for you Rynn. Seems like he’s a bit infatuated with you.”

Rynn tensed at Mayli’s words but continued to pour out the last remnants of the jug. The laughter of the other girls allowed her some time to calm down and wonder whether she should acknowledge Mayli’s taunt. Ever since Rynn was brought to the cantina and forced to work as a serving girl, the young criminal had his eye on her. She could feel how he would stare at her body, wondering what she would look like naked in his bed or what her expression would be when he would take her for the first time. These thoughts only intensified the later it got and the more he drank. 

“I’d rather have Japla staring at me than that Gamorrean who can’t keep his eyes off of you.” Mayli’s cheeks reddened while the other girls giggled in response. A small smile crossed Rynn’s lips as she made her way through the group to deliver the drinks. Despite the unfortunate situation they all found themselves in, the girls would rather tease each other than band together. Rynn knew that little jealousies strained their relationship because they knew their freedoms could be bought by one of these enamored suitors. Better to be the lover of one of these smugglers than be continuously groped by different men every night. 

Rynn smiled her way through dropping off her drinks until she felt the gaze of Japla. He was not as drunk as the rest of the cantina but that meant all his mental focus could go towards her. She did not want to face Japla just yet so she made her way back towards the kitchens. Mayli blocked the entrance and smirked at the young girl. 

“It seems Japla made quite a bit of money on his last job. He spoke to Sidias and it seems he has enough to buy you for the night.”

The blood drained from Rynn’s face and her heart started beating a bit faster and louder. Sidias was fond of the young serving girl and because of this, made her almost unobtainable by charging a great deal for the simplest of favors. 

“This can’t be. My price is quite high. Japla would never be able to-”

“Seems like Japla either has made enough or he is in Sidias’ good graces. But either way girl, you will be finally spending some alone time with your gallant smuggler.”

Before Rynn could protest, she felt the strong grip of Sidias’ guards as they dragged her to one of the backrooms. Panic flooded her veins as they shoved her onto a dirty mattress and told her that someone would be with her shortly. Should she fight or should she lie there complacently? If she fought back, she would lose her life or even worse, be sold into a life where she spent all her days in rooms like these. 

Suddenly the door opened, Japla was there with hunger in his eyes and obscene thoughts in his mind. Rynn knew she could not give up, she had to put up some type of fight. 

“You were ignoring me tonight,” the slurred words indicated he was much drunker then he looked. 

“It was busy tonight. I didn't even know you were here Japla.” Rynn carefully got up and positioned herself close to the small table next to the mattress. 

“Don't lie to me Rynn!” his anger exploded and Rynn flinched at his outburst. “Well I guess it doesn't matter anymore does it? I have you for the night.” He smirked while his eyes scanned her body. The outfit she wore left little to the imagination but it didn't deter Japla. “Come here.”

Rynn hesitated but soon approached him. She knew he had a blaster on him and if she could get close enough, she could fight her way out. She stood close enough to him that he could reach out and touch her. He took advantage of the situation and began to grope her body. He removed the bra-like top and squeezed her breasts while emitting a low moan. Tears stung Rynn’s eyes but she forced herself to focus on a plan. He had to make him feel comfortable then she could steal his weapon. 

His hands traveled lower on her body and instead of moans, he murmured compliments. 

“God, you're so beautiful. If I couldn't get you tonight, I would have stolen you. Now tell me, have you been with a man before?” He stroked Rynn’s most intimate region and she gasped. Slowly she could feel her strength disappearing and panic refilling her body. “I think you haven't,” he gave her a sinister smile, “my, my, my, aren't we going to have a fun night?”

Before he could continue his forced exploration, a loud boom shook the cantina. Taking this moment of surprise, Rynn pushed Japla to the floor and sprung towards the doorway. As soon as the door flung open, she felt him grab her braided hair and pull her to the ground. She yelped in pain and soon found herself struggling underneath the smuggler. He grabbed her wrists and tried to subdue her even more. Another boom followed by the sounds of blasters echoed around the struggling pair. 

‘You won't escape me Rynn! I will have you tonight!’ 

They continued their fight and Rynn knew what she had to do. She hadn't used her skill in quite some time and she doubted she was strong enough to take Japla on. But, she had to try. Rynn forced one of her wrists free and quickly punched Japla as hard as she could. Pain spread across her knuckles but she found herself concentrating on his blaster. 

Reeling from Rynn’s blow, Japla rolled off of the girl and rubbed his jaw. He felt something pulling on his holster and prepared himself to damage the girl he paid so much for. Before he could do that, he saw his blaster fly from his hip to the hands of the trembling and disheveled girl by the door. 

‘How did you do that? What are you? You're one of those-’ A blast to the shoulder replaced his questions with a scream. 

Rynn stared in shock at the wounded man but knew she had to move. If the cantina was being attacked, she may have a chance of escaping. She fixed her clothing so it covered her and quickly ran into the hallway. She found herself running towards the exit but was met by the sounds of someone trying to get in. She ducked into an empty room and waited until she heard the shouts of the entering group. 

“One of the serving girls said she was back here.”

“Then we have to find her. We can't return to General Organa empty handed again!”

General Organa? The name and bittersweet memories of a simpler time raced through Rynn’s mind. Were they looking for her? Relief flooded her thoughts but it was short lived. If they were indeed here for her, then she knew things had gone terribly wrong. 

“Check every room!”

“Don't shoot!” She walked into the hallway and dropped her blaster. The group of people, clearly rebels, held up their weapons and studied the girl. 

“Who are you?” A young man with curly brown hair asked. Their leader? 

“I'm Rynn Katwa” 

The young man smiled and the group lowered their weapons. 

“Hi Rynn, I’m Poe Dameron, Resistance fighter. We’ve been looking for you.”


	2. Chapter 2

Leaving Tattoine felt like a dream to Rynn, she never thought she would be able to leave the desert planet. For almost a decade she toiled and suffered on Tattoine, wishing for the day she would be able to leave and rejoin the community she was forced out of so long ago. But that community was destroyed and she did not know what she was returning to. At least Leia is still alive. 

The chatter of the rebels snapped her back to her current situation. They were moving about the small cabin, giving out orders or following them. Rynn could sense their discomfort with her, a serving girl whose rescue killed a few of their company. All that death for a girl they found in the backroom of a cantina wearing essentially a bra and high slit skirt. Her cheeks reddened in embarrassment as she sunk lower down in her seat, hoping they would all forget she was there. 

“Cold?” Rynn looked up and saw Poe Dameron giving her a warm smile. 

“A bit, I forgot how cold space is.”

“Here,” he shrugged off his jacket and held it out to her. She looked at it and tried to stammer out a response. “I won’t take no for answer Rynn.” Poe then slipped the jacket around her shoulders. Its’ warmth and coverage made Rynn relax slightly. It smells good, like pine and oil. 

“Thank you Poe.”

“Don’t mention it. Now, when we land are you okay going straight to see General Organa? Or do you need to see a doctor? Or perhaps rest?”

“No, I want to see Leia. I’m fine,” she rubbed her inflamed hand and knew that the pain was dull enough to ignore until she was reunited with the General.

“Let me see,” he gingerly took her hand and examined her injury, “This doesn’t seem too bad. Do you mind if I bandage it? Just in case?”

Rynn nodded her head and another smile crossed the pilot’s lips. He busied himself getting gauze while Rynn tried to ignore the nagging thoughts in her mind. He returned with the supplies and began to bandage her knuckles. His hands were warm and large and made her feel safe. They sat in silence which allowed Rynn to examine her savior. He had thick and curly brown hair, brown eyes, and a smile that would make any girl feel weak. This gallant pilot with kind eyes is better than anyone I’ve ever met on Tattoine. A tang of sadness hit her as she thought of the last man whose smile made her weak. He’s gone now, there’s no way he’s coming back. 

“There we go. It should do for now,” he glanced up at her with a small smile. Rynn felt her cheeks redden again as she thanked him. “We should be landing soon enough. Go ahead and strap yourself in. I’ll escort you myself to General Organa.” Rynn nodded and seeked solace in her mind. 

The last time she saw Leia was before she was sent to Tattoine. Her last few hours were chaotic as their base was being attacked and Leia stated her life was in danger. Escape was her only choice. Rynn remembered swallowing her fear and following the simple orders from Leia. She said I would be safe in Tattoine, little did she know. As they landed, Rynn’s nervousness increased, she did not know what or who to expect. But at least the small base reminded her of home, it was bustling with people readying their ships or going about their daily tasks. The group who saved her quickly dispersed leaving just her and Poe on the ship. 

“Welcome to the Resistance base Rynn,” Poe lead her out towards a large building. Luckily those around them were too busy to notice the pair which calmed Rynn just a bit. The command center was empty save for one person standing by the holographic map. 

“Leia?” The words escaped Rynn’s mouth before she could think. The person turned around and smiled causing Rynn to break out into a run towards them. Leia enveloped the girl in a warm hug as they murmured their hellos.

“I am so sorry Rynn. We were being a bit overwhelmed by the First Order and our contacts on Tattoine never got back to us. I am so sorry we did not know of your circumstances earlier. That is never what I had in mind when I told you being in Tattoine would be safer.”

“It’s okay, really. Leading a rebellion is quite taxing work. I would rather you save the galaxy than me.”

“That may be so but it still does not clear my conscience just yet. Please tell me you weren’t at Sidias’ cantina for long? Were you a-”

“I was there for almost a year and he was fond of me. The only time I was placed in an unfortunate position was when your troops arrived.” Rynn could sense that her lie calmed Leia and got rid of some of her guilt. Whatever happened on Tattoine, happened. She would no longer try to live in the past.

“I will make this up to you Rynn, I promise,” Leia then turned to face Poe who was leaning on a tracking computer, “Poe, please ready a room for Rynn and make sure she is equipped with a new uniform. I would like to speak to her alone.” Poe nodded and turned to leave but not before sending a reassuring smile to Rynn. 

“What’s happened Leia?” A sense of despair overcame Rynn. She could see Han and Chewie in Leia’s memories then a block of overwhelming sadness. “No,” Rynn gasped, “He wouldn’t do that Leia. He wouldn’t kill his father.” Tears stung Rynn’s eyes, a result of both women’s emotions. 

“He did Rynn. Ben killed Han and is now somewhere with Snoke. We’re trying to track them but the search is coming up empty. However, we’ve found Luke. He’s with a new apprentice now and we hope they will arrive before the First Order reappears.” Ben is in hiding, Luke is training someone new? What world have I come into?

“What do you want me to do? How can I help?”

“Join the fight Rynn. When Luke returns, you can restart your training. Until then, do you still know how to shoot?” Rynn nodded her head and found herself in shock, so much has happened and she knows she can’t change any of it. 

“If I join you, I want there to be one condition.” Rynn looked towards Leia who nodded her head. “If I find myself in the same area as Ben, I want permission to seek him out. I want to see him,” the last part of her request came out a bit sadder than she expected. 

“I grant you permission but I should let you know,” Leia walked towards the girl and placed an arm around her shoulders, “I fear Ben no longer exists. I think the last part of him died with Han. All that remains is Kylo Ren.”

Rynn nodded but deep down she felt that there may be some part of Ben Solo remained. At least I hope so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a bit of a short chapter! Hoping the next one can be longer! Until then, please enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

Anger bubble out of Markus’ every pore as he circled Rynn, hoping to land a punch. The rebel was letting his frustration limit his fighting abilities which meant Rynn could always land her punches or kicks. The training yard was still as the newest recruit’s hand connected with Markus’ jaw for the fourth time.  
“And I’m going to call it here. Seems like Markus’ six months of training with the Resistance is nothing compared to your solid month here Rynn.” Captain Jair turned to face Markus and gave him constructive criticism which came off more critical than anything else. The group surrounding the three began to leave for the day with a few people laughing at Markus’ misfortune. Rynn gathered her things and waited for Jair to leave to try to salvage any chance of being friends with the other rebel. She could feel his anger rising but Rynn had to try. 

“Markus?” The man tensed and slowly turned around to face her. 

“What?”

“You shouldn’t let your emotions overwhelm you. That’s why I beat you today. You get so angry that you let your guard down. Try not to focus on your emotions but on how your opponent is going to move and react.” He stared at her for the longest time before simply nodding and walking away. Rynn frowned and knew that her plan to make friends was gloriously failing. 

A month with the Resistance and Rynn’s only friends were Leia, Poe, and BB-8. The other rebels were skeptical of the new arrival and questioned her relationship with their General and her skill with a blaster and her fists. Rynn thought about telling them about her past, about her skill, but she knew it would only drive a deeper wedge between them. They wouldn’t understand. She tried to make friends and help them with issues they were struggling with but they took her helpfulness as a sign of smugness. Rynn sighed aloud as she flopped down onto her bed and tried to ignore the throbbing she felt in her hands. Are they ever going to heal? A loud knock on the door dragged her out of her mind and eventually out of her bed. 

“Hey there Private Katwa!” Rynn opened the door and was met by Poe’s smiling face. No matter how terrible she was feeling, Poe’s sunny disposition always made her feel at ease. He knew exactly what to do to make her smile and forget about all the problems circling around in her mind. 

“What are you doing here Poe?” Rynn sat down on the edge of her bed while Poe casually leaned on the wall across from her. He must’ve been out flying today, he’s wearing his orange uniform.

“I heard that you kicked Markus’ ass today during training and I wanted to come in person to congratulate you. It’s about time someone put him in his place.”

“I’m sure he probably deserved it but it’s not helping me make friends. It’s not even helping them tolerate me,” Rynn pulled her knees to her chest and tried to avoid the pilot’s gaze. The mattress dipped beside her and she could feel the warmth and concern radiating off of her friend. 

“Hey,” he gently knocked his shoulder against hers, trying to catch her gaze, “Give them some time. Things have been a little stressful around here the past few months. The First Order may be in hiding but we’ve been trying to bounce back from their last attack. But even if the others don’t end up warming up to you, screw ‘em. We’ll just join forces and become the Resistance’s best duo!”

They both laughed and sat together in a pleasant silence. Rynn always tried her hardest to block out what Poe was feeling but he felt things with such an intensity, it was hard to ignore. Everyday, his feelings for the girl grew and evolved. What started off as a playful friendship developed into an attraction that Poe tried to ignore or at least not act on. But every once in awhile when Rynn would laugh or touch his arm, a surge of desire would flood the pilot. He yearned to kiss her, touch her in places he knew she would like. Rynn did not know whether to ignore Poe’s feelings or accept the fact that she felt the same way. It had been years since she’s felt anything for someone else and she was terrified that things would fall apart like they always tend to do. Instead of diving deeper into complicated matters, Rynn just decided to move closer to Poe and rest her head against the pilot’s shoulder. The silence continued and neither felt uncomfortable with it. Poe’s hand eventually found Rynn’s and their fingers intertwined. Happiness radiated from the two rebels and gave Poe the courage to do something he had been thinking about for weeks. 

“Rynn?” He broke their connection to face the girl he desired so much. 

“Yes?” Poe looked from her eyes to her lips and back to her eyes again. Rynn wanted nothing more than to feel his lips on hers. She wondered if they were as soft as they looked and if his stubble would tickle her cheeks. Poe tilted his head and began moving closer and closer to her. However before their lips could touch, there was a knock on the door. Rynn’s heart sank and Poe closed his eyes in frustration. “I should get that.” Poe nodded and Rynn could feel the disappointment roll off of him in intense waves. The door opened and a pilot she recognized but could not name was behind it. 

“Sorry Rynn but is Poe here? BB-8 said he might be with you.” Rynn nodded and stood aside so Poe, who came up behind her, could talk to his friend. 

“How can I help you Mal?”

“There’s something Captain Jair wants us all to see and he wants to show us as soon as possible.”

“Okay, I’ll be right there,” Mal nodded and quickly left Poe and Rynn alone. “I’m sorry that I have to go.”  
“Duty always comes first, right?” Rynn smiled and tried to lift up his spirits. 

“Yeah, it does. But, uh, I’ll see you at dinner tonight? Maybe we could go for a walk afterwards?”

“That sounds great,” Poe smiled at her and turned to leave, “Wait, Poe?” He turned back with a confused expression and before he could ask anything, Rynn gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you later.” Poe nodded and left with the largest smile Rynn had ever seen him wear. 

 

Rynn began to worry when Poe didn’t show up to dinner. She ate in silence while those around her chatted away, unaware of the fact that most of the Resistance’s best pilots were not in attendance. Neither was Leia. They wouldn’t plan an attack now? Or would they? Fear started to build up and all Rynn wanted to do was talk to Poe. She couldn’t do that so she settled for returning to her room to meditate on what was happening. Many years ago, she was taught to meditate often to clear her mind and balance herself with the Force. Now she only did it when her head became to difficult to navigate through. Before she could reach balance, there was a knock on the door. 

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” Poe smiled at her and Rynn’s heart jumped, “Things went a little longer than I thought they were going to go. Are you still up for that walk?”

“Of course,” they walked in silence until they were just outside of the base. Rynn could sense something was different, Poe was uneasy about something. “What did you guys talk about in the meeting?”

“What? Oh, just new battle formations. Jair thinks he figured out the First Order’s biggest battle weakness.” He’s lying, he never lies to me.

“Oh, okay.” For the first time, Rynn and Poe were uncomfortable with the silence surrounding them but neither wanted to bring it up. Instead, they kept walking until they came across a small pond. Rynn stood by the water’s edge and stared at the moon’s reflection on the pond’s surface. She could feel him struggling to find something to say, to find a way to bring them back to how close they were just a few hours earlier. 

“They’re sending us off tomorrow morning to attack a new base the First Order established. They don’t know much or how defended it is, but they want us to try to limit the supplies and support the First Order is gathering.”

“What?” Rynn was surprised by Poe’s honesty and turned to face him. 

“The Resistance wants us to essentially nip the First Order in the bud.”

“No, I understand that, it’s just-why did you tell me? I feel like you weren’t supposed to.”

“I wasn’t but I don’t want to lie to you Rynn,” Poe moved closer to her, “I don’t want the last thing I told you to be a lie.” His words shocked Rynn and she didn’t know how to respond. “If I die tomorrow, I want this to be our last memory.”

Before Rynn could react, Poe’s lips found hers while one of his hands caressed her cheek. Rynn melted into his kiss and found herself wanting more. Poe deepened the kiss and she allowed his tongue access to her mouth. Both of their hands began to hesitantly explore each other’s bodies, cursing the fact that so many layers of clothing were separating them from touching each other’s bare skin. Poe broke their kiss to look at Rynn. He wanted to remember how she looked like, what she tasted like, what she smelled like. Her hair was falling into her eyes and her lips were pinker from their kiss. And she looked at him with so much want in her eyes that the desire he kept so under control, threatened to explode.  
“This isn’t our last memory together Poe, it’s one of our first.”

Poe smiled and pulled Rynn in for another kiss, hoping that what she said was true.


	4. Chapter 4

“Tell us what happened Poe! We want to hear everything!”

 

Cheers and applause erupted across a few tables but soon settled down as the pilot readied himself to recount the day’s events. The dining room was abuzz with activity and Rynn could feel just how elated everyone was.  _ They think the war is almost over. _ Rynn smiled and wished that their thoughts were true. But she remembered the stories her parents told her when she was a little girl. They were part of the Alliance from the beginning and were there when it finally ended at the Battle of Jakku. It tore apart their lives and for years they never knew whether they would wake up the next morning. They lost friends, family, and a little part of themselves to the Empire. And Rynn lost them to something they called a ‘little skirmish’ with Empire sympathizers a few years after peace was established.  _ You can never be truly safe in our war-torn galaxy. _

 

“So we were there essentially alone when about twenty tie fighters came out of nowhere! Now the Order outnumbers us, we’re having a hard time getting them off our tail, and we can’t focus on bombing their base…” Poe continued his heroic story while Rynn smiled at him from her spot on the edge of the table. While he tried to not focus on her, Poe found himself locking eyes with Rynn constantly. He really did want to tell his friends what happened, but what he really wanted was to be alone with Rynn. He wondered if he could cut his story short and reunite with the girl sooner rather than later.  “Mal here managed to get the last fighter and we were able to destroy the base!”

 

“Here’s to getting one step closer to ending the damned First Order!” More cheers erupted in the dining hall along with loud clinks of metallic mugs hitting metallic mugs. Rynn quickly drained her own and looked towards Poe. A few pilots were congratulating him and asking for more details about the whole ordeal. Rynn grew a bit sad as she realized she wouldn’t be able to get any alone time with Poe so she decided to head back to her room. Though she felt a little defeated, she knew that Poe deserved all of the attention and congratulations tonight. Before she could get inside, BB-8 rolled up beside her. A series of electronic beeps came out of the droid. 

 

“Hi BB-8, what do you mean Poe wants to meet me? He seems a little busy,” She looked back where she came from remembering all the cheers. The droid emitted a few more beeps. “He wants to meet in the hanger? But it’s closed. Why would he want to meet there?” Rynn’s cheeks reddened when BB-8 responded to her question. “I see, well I guess I should meet him. You said 10 minutes right?” BB-8 showed off his lighter which Rynn took as a thumbs up. “Thank you BB-8 for message. I’ll see you later.”

 

Rynn smiled to herself and made her way to the rendezvous spot Poe had chosen for them. After the Resistance’s win today, no one would chose to be in the hanger instead of celebrating with their fellow rebels.  _ A perfect spot for some alone time. _ She wandered to Poe’s x-wing and waited for the pilot. Doubts started creeping up on her the longer she waited and she wondered whether he got caught up in something else. The entire Resistance base was impressed with Poe Dameron and his unbelievable skill as a pilot. They weren’t going to leave him alone, they would be too busy giving him a pat on the back or shots of whatever alcohol they had available. However, before these doubts could overwhelm her, Rynn heard footsteps approach the ship. Arms snaked around her waist and she felt herself being pulled backwards into a large, warm chest. 

 

“Thanks for meeting me,” Poe breathed into her ear as he tightened his grip. Rynn turned around so she could face the man she had been thinking and worrying about all day. Her hands traveled over his chest, caressing every muscle before settling around his neck. 

 

“I’m glad you’re okay,” she whispered as she looked into his deep brown eyes. A rogue curl or two worked their way down over his eyes and his cheeks were covered in a light stubble. He looked beautiful and rugged. A smile crossed his lips and Rynn knew she couldn’t hold herself back anymore. She wanted Poe and she hoped he felt the same way. Like he could read her mind, Poe kissed Rynn in a way they hadn’t kissed before. It wasn’t frantic like the moment would end in milliseconds nor was it cautious, gauging how the other felt. This kiss was passionate and hinted at the deep hunger hidden between the two of them. They both wanted each other and they weren’t going to stop until this was achieved. Poe’s tongue entered Rynn’s mouth and explored as much as he could. His hands followed suite as he groped her breasts. He broke their kiss and stared at her with his chest heaving. 

 

“The thought of coming back to you kept me going today,” he placed small kisses along her jaw leading down to the crook of her neck. He put more pressure into his kisses and then moved onto sucking the soft skin of her neck. A small moan escaped Rynn’s mouth and he began undoing the buttons of her shirt. Once he was done, she shrugged it off leaving her top half fully exposed. Poe’s calloused hand gently squeezed her breast then moved to lightly tease her nipple. His lips returned to hers and Rynn wanted more of Poe. Her hands clumsily began undoing his belt as he too shed his top layers. Once it was undone, Rynn found her hands diving beneath his waistband to release his erection. She caressed him and felt his desire for her grow even more. Poe moaned and returned to playing with her breasts.

 

At first, her hand moved slowly up and down his stiff member but she soon increased the pace as Poe’s enjoyment in her movements became evident. His moans became a little louder and Rynn smiled to herself, pleased in the fact that she was the cause of the pleasure he was feeling. Before things got too far, he stopped her. His chest heaved up and down as he tried to catch his breath.

 

“I want to make sure you’re having fun too,” he kissed her while tugging her pants down enough to fully expose her. His hands started at her waist but then moved down to caress her butt. Finally his fingers ran across her slit, teasing her, asking her if she wanted more. He broke their kiss and stared Rynn in the eyes as he inserted a finger. She gasped and gripped his shoulders as he inserted another finger and began moving in and out of her. “You’re so wet,” he murmured into her ear as he continued his actions. Rynn buried her face in his neck, trying to silence the moans escaping her mouth. Once his thumb found her clit, she knew she wouldn’t last much longer. 

 

“Please Poe, I want you!” Wasting no time, the two lovers moved so Rynn’s back was against Poe’s x-wing. Poe pushed his pants further down exposing himself fully before positioning himself. Rynn placed her arms on his shoulders and gripped them tightly as he entered her. He was slow and cautious, making sure everything was okay with Rynn before falling into the throes of desire. “Please,” she begged again before he began thrusting in and out of her. Rynn hadn’t felt this way in years not since  _ him _ . She tried to ignore her memories and instead focus on the noises Poe was making. Every grunt or moan drove her wild and got her one step closer to falling over the edge. A loud gasp escaped her mouth as his thumb found her clit once again. “Poe,” she moaned as he thrusted into her harder. He kissed her again and she knew she couldn’t hold back anymore. She let go and found herself falling into undeniable pleasure. Poe’s pace became irregular and she knew he too was reaching his climax. He shuddered and Rynn felt him release inside her. He rested his forehead against hers as the two rode out their orgasms together. All they could hear were their heavy breathing, trying so desperately to catch their breath. Poe looked at her in such a way that made Rynn feel both thrilled and like she was being unfaithful. However, Poe’s kiss shooed those latter thoughts away.  

 

Slowly, the two began to regain their composure and redress themselves. Poe nibbled on Rynn’s ear and she laughed. His arms wrapped around her body and brought her into a large hug. They stared at each other with smiles on their faces, both wanting to live in this moment forever. 

 

“Stay with me tonight.” It wasn’t an order or a question but a plea. Rynn wondered what the others would think or if whatever was happening between them was even allowed. “Don’t worry about anyone else. Just think of how well you’ll sleep with my arms wrapped around you.” Rynn’s cheeks reddened as she nodded. They retreated into Poe’s room and Rynn had the best night of sleep she’s had in almost a decade. 

 

Rynn found herself back in Hosnian Prime, reliving her last day on the planet before being forced to Tattoine. Blasts echoed around her and chaos filled the small city. She found herself running through the chaos, in search of Ben. Her heart was beating in her ears as she looked around, trying to find any sign of him.  _ He has to be around here somewhere, I sense him.  _

 

“Ben,” she yelled but her words were swallowed up by the noise around her. She yelled again to no avail and felt her heart sink.  _ I won’t find him in time.  _

 

“Kid, we have to get you out of here. We have to go now!” Han came seemingly out of nowhere, grabbed her hand and began tugging her towards where the Falcon was housed. 

 

“I have to say bye to Ben. Please. I have to see him before I leave,” she pleaded with the man and saw a quick flash of sadness in his eyes. Guilt rolled off Han but he ignored her pleas and continued leading her to the ship. 

 

“I’m sorry but we have to go Rynn. It’s now or never.” She followed him, glancing back towards the city center hoping to see any sign of Ben or Leia. But all she saw was destruction and smoke. 

 

Suddenly she was transported into a small room where Leia was explaining to Ben what happened during the attack. Ben had a few cuts on his face and his dark tendrils fell into his eyes. Rynn reached out to brush them away but he could not feel her touch. 

 

“I’m so sorry Ben but Rynn didn’t make it.” Such strong emotions rolled out of Ben: anger, sadness, and complete devastation. The two silently cried and all Rynn wanted to do was comfort them, tell them she’s alive. She wanted to hold Ben and tell him how much she loves him. She wanted to try anything to prevent him from being seduced by the Dark side, to keep him from becoming  Kylo Ren. 

 

“Ben,” she yelled out, trying to get his attention by any way possible. She got on her knees in front of him and tried to take his hands in hers. She cried in frustration, knowing he could not feel her touch. Could not feel her love for him. 

 

Before desperation took Rynn over, she found herself in a room she did not recognize. Everything was metallic and dark. The air was harsh and so cold. It was...militaristic and robotic.  _ The First Order? _ A shiver ran down her spine and she turned to see a dark figure standing by an obscured object. The figure was talking to it, spilling his fears and reservations. He was outfitted all in black and was incredibly tall. 

 

“Ben?” She whispered, thinking back to the memories of Leia and Poe who had seen Kylo Ren in action. Their memories matched who stood in front of her and fear pricked her stomach. The figure tensed and slowly turned around. Rynn’s breathing became erratic and she felt tears begin to pool in her eyes. She was finally face-to-face with Kylo Ren. 

 

“Ben doesn’t exist and neither do you,” his voice was robotic and intimidating, “They both died a long time ago.” Rynn’s dreams never brought her this far before and as often as she yelled out to Ben in her dreams, he never heard her. Until now. 

 

“I’m real, I’m alive,” she whispered, unsure of what to do. 

 

“No, you are a ghost of memory and a test. I will not fail this one Supreme Leader.” She sensed Kylo’s rising rage and knew she was going to die.  

 

“Please, Ben. I’m real, I didn’t die during the raid. Please believe me, please.” 

 

“Ben does not exist. And neither do you,” he repeated slowly, venom injected in every word he spoke. Tears fell down Rynn’s cheeks as she accepted her fate, accepted that her first love would kill her and feel nothing. If she was going to die, might as well say everything that she had been carrying around in her heart for the past decade. 

 

“I begged to say goodbye to you before I left but they said we had no time. That moment is the biggest regret of my life Ben. Everyday I think of what would’ve happened if I got to see you. Would you have become this,” she gestured to his mask, “Or would you have stayed Ben? Would my love protect you from the Dark side?” Kylo remained motionless and watched the girl. “It’s been years but,” she closed the distance between them, “My feelings for you haven’t changed.” Rynn caressed his mask, wishing she could feel his skin, see the face of the man she loved so dearly. “I love you,” she said barely a whisper.  Kylo tensed but soon melted into her touch. His hands wrapped around her waist and roughly pulled her closer to him. 

“How can you be real? How can you be here?” 

 

Before Rynn could answer, she felt herself being dragged back to reality. The tears from the dream followed her and she found herself sobbing. Poe woke up and pulled the emotional girl into his embrace. He felt warm and safe and Rynn loved those feelings. 

 

“Another nightmare?” He asked groggily as she nodded. She tried to find solace in Poe’s arms but her mind kept going back to Ben.  _ And Kylo. _ “I’m sorry this keeps happening to you,” Poe murmured into her hair before kissing her forehead. Slowly, her breathing returned to normal and her tears dried. She laid in his arms, trying to push the nightmares out of her head. 

 

Poe and Rynn had been together for over a month but her nightmares had been plaguing them for almost two weeks. No matter what she did, the nightmares would come for her. They were intent on reminding her of her past, reminding her of her own guilt. Rynn was happy with Poe and was sure she loved him deeply, but every nightmare had her questioning her devotion. During the day she wanted all of Poe but at night, her mind made it evident that she still felt something for Ben. But did Ben promise her comfort and warmth? Did he still love her? Would he accept her for all of her flaws? Would he choose her over the First Order?  _ He wouldn’t.  _

 

Rynn found herself moving further into Poe’s embrace, wanting to be happy in this moment. His hands ran across her back trying to comfort her before settling on her waist. She sat up and gazed down at the half-dressed man in her bed. He gave her a confused look but slowly smiled up at her. Bliss filled Rynn’s mind and she decided to place her lips on his. Poe’s stubble tickled her cheek but it did not stop Rynn from increasing the intensity of their kiss. Their hands explored each other’s bodies as they removed the little clothing they had on. Soon Rynn found herself focusing on the pleasure she felt as Poe thrusted in and out of her, whispering words of affection in her ear. She loved Poe, she truly did but a part of her wondered if she would be enjoying this moment even more if someone else was inside of her, whispering how much he missed her.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rynn and Poe's first time and the first hints of Ben/Kylo! Hopefully you guys enjoy!


	5. Chapter 5

Life slowly returned back to normal as Rynn tried so desperately to forget what had happened during her last nightmare. She tried to forget him, forget how quick she was to admit her love for him. Instead of dwelling in her emotional turmoil, Rynn turned to her training and her affection for Poe. Entertaining a future with Ben would lead to nothing but hurt and broken promises. She wasn’t even sure if Ben existed underneath that mask anymore or if only Kylo remained. Judging from other’s accounts, all that remained was a monster. 

 

The Resistance base also felt on edge due to new information gathered from their sources across the galaxy. The First Order was re-emerging quicker than they expected and bases were popping up everywhere. They were incredibly fortified and Resistance leaders feared that this was all being done to distract from something else, something deadlier. In response, the frequency of raids have increased and Rynn found herself coming closer and closer to the day of her first battle. It’s silly to think that she felt nauseous at the idea of fighting considering she was once training to become a Jedi. But time had changed a lot about her and the idea of stepping out, fighting, and possibly killing someone made her sick to her stomach. However she was part of the Resistance, it was her duty to follow orders and protect the galaxy from the oppressive First Order regime. 

 

She tensed at the thoughts floating around in her head but relaxed when Poe exited the small bathroom. A towel was wrapped around his waist, allowing her to examine his glistening torso. His hair fell down into his eyes in wet tendrils and Rynn smiled to herself. Poe rummaged through his drawers looking for something to change into and Rynn had to keep herself from asking him to remain undressed. Leia and the other generals had been heavily relying on Poe to lead many of their air raids which took him out of Rynn’s arms almost everyday. She worried so much about Poe and wondered if this is how her parents felt during the Rebellion. Rynn questioned whether this would be their last time together or if they would even wake up tomorrow. She wanted Poe even more than usual but she knew he needed his rest more. 

 

“Can I help you Private Katwa?” Poe noticed her ogling and smirked at her. 

 

“Maybe,” her cheeks reddened as she settled on the edge of the bed. He laughed and walked towards her to place a kiss on her lips. He stood in front of her and stared at her with a look that Rynn could easily recognize. “Are you sure? You’ve had a long day maybe you should-”

 

“I will  _ never _ say no to you,” he kissed her again and slowly moved her back on the bed. His hands quickly found the buttons of her clothing and Rynn soon found herself in just her underwear. Poe’s lips focused on the soft skin on her neck as she ran her hands across his torso, tracing every line and curve. Wanting to take charge, Rynn moved so she was on top of him, straddling his hips. She placed her hands on his chest for balance and soon began to slowly grind her hips into his, leaving him wanting more. Poe moaned and let his hands roam Rynn’s upper body paying close attention to her nipples. Rynn loved hearing how much pleasure he was experiencing and wanted to hear what he wanted, what would make him even harder. “Rynn,” he breathed and she smirked down at him. 

She quickly tugged off her underwear and positioned herself above him. Placing one hand on his chest, she used the other to help guide his erection into her. Poe placed his hands on her hips, trying to help with this transition. A hiss escaped his lips as Rynn found a comfortable position. Slowly, she began moving her hips and Poe moaned his approval of her pace. They began to move faster and Poe’s hands tightened around her hips. Rynn gasped when Poe’s hand began rubbing her clit. The two’s movements became more and more erratic until Poe flipped Rynn onto her back. His lips attacked her’s as he eagerly thrusted in and out of her. 

 

“Poe!” she managed to moan before falling deeply into her orgasm. Soon after, Poe joined her and kissed Rynn deeply. Eventually Poe moved so he could lay next to Rynn as the two struggled to catch their breath. Rynn rested her head on his chest and he began to run his hand up and down her back. The two enjoyed the silence and the increasingly rare opportunity to lay in bed, wrapped up in each other’s arms. 

 

“I love you,” Poe murmured and Rynn turned to look up at him. A smile crossed her lips  before he moved to kiss her. 

 

“I love you too,” Rynn ignored the quick pang of guilt and kissed Poe again. The two lovers remained in bed until a piercing alarm rang out through the barracks. Rynn’s heart sank as she realized what it meant. Quickly, the two put on their uniforms before joining the crowd of rebels filing into the command center. Nervousness and anticipation filled the crowd but all Rynn could feel was dread. Something felt wrong and Rynn feared what was going to come out of the mouths of the stoic generals. 

 

Poe tightly held onto Rynn’s hand and led them towards the front of the crowd, closer to leaders of the Resistance. Leia glanced towards the two and Rynn could feel her anguish and fear. That is when Rynn knew she would be on the frontlines of the rebellion by the end of the day. 

 

“Settle down everyone, settle down.” Captain Jair’s voice rose above the chattering of the other rebels. Once the room became silent, Leia moved towards the center of the group. Rynn could sense the General’s hesitation but Leia’s sense of duty took over and allowed her to say what was plaguing the Resistance leaders. 

 

“We have intercepted a message from the First Order. It seems that they are planning to attack us here within the next 24 hours. They are gathering supplies at their base and we want to strike first. We’re sending in air squadrons along with ground troops.”

 

“The planet lacks a shield but the base is heavily protected both by Troopers and a force field. We want the ground troops to infiltrate the base and knock out the shield. Air squadrons will try to weaken it along with taking out as many of their tie fighters as possible.”

 

“All air squadrons must report to their ships in 15 minutes. Ground troops Red, Blue, and Gold will report to carrier shuttles also in 15 minutes,” Leia took a pause as panic set in around her. “We must try to stop the First Order before they attack us. May the Force be with us all.”

 

The room started to filter out in a frenzied rush but Rynn and Poe remained at the command center, too shocked to move with the group. Rynn’s grip tightened as Poe began to lead them out. The world around them was moving at lightspeed but the two moved slower than a bantha. Once they were safe behind the door of their room, the two embraced and Rynn felt herself begin to tremble. She was going out to fight and so was Poe and neither knew whether they would make it back alive. 

 

“I love you,” Rynn caressed his cheeks as tears filled her eyes. 

 

“Hey, we’re going to be back here in no time. I promise,” he smiled at her and Rynn mustered up the energy to give him a sad smile back. “I love you so much Rynn,” he embraced her again and Rynn tried to remember everything about this moment. How warm Poe felt, how being in his arms felt so right, and how much she truly loved him. Poe kissed her again before changing into his flight uniform. Rynn followed suite and got into the uniform she had hoped to never wear into battle. They embraced one last time before they went to their separate ships. 

 

Rynn found herself going through the motions of going into battle but she felt nothing. Judging by what she sensed around her, many of her peers also felt numb.  _ Better to feel nothing than to feel crippling fear. _ They stood in silence as the ship got closer and closer to the First Order base. Once they made their bumpy descent, Rynn began to feel fear fill her stomach and she began to panic. She used to be so brave but unfortunate events in her life had replaced her bravery with cowardice. Too many times she had fallen victim to other’s cruelty and each time it happened, she lost a part of herself. Before the doors opened, Rynn forced herself to hide her fear and bring back the person who was training to become a great Jedi, the person who valued duty over everything else.  _ May the Force be with us.  _

 

The scene on the ground was complete chaos with the Resistance trying their hardest to fight the overwhelming number of troopers. Rynn stuck close to her group and forced herself to shed her fear and hesitance with her blaster. Her group moved quickly through the landscape and with each step, Rynn’s confidence in herself grew. She could no longer focus on her own well-being because she had to protect her fellow rebels and protect the Resistance.

 

Focusing on their objective, Markus and Rynn paired up and were doing their best to clear the dense group of troopers in front of them. While some of their comrades fell, they couldn’t lose sight of their mission. They had to infiltrate the base and disable the shield generator. Slowly, the group began to advance closer and closer to the command center. Once inside, the chaos only intensified. 

 

The blasts from the troopers shot around the small rebel group. Rynn hid behind a column, trying to catch her breath before sending out a few shots of her own. One blast hit one of the troopers and Rynn took the chance to advance closer to the group. Hiding behind another column, she got the attention of Markus and the two exchanged a solemn look. He nodded and they both began a follow-up attack. The group was dwindling and if the rebels could get just seven more of the First Order soldiers, they could have a chance to knock out the shield generator. Rynn and Markus proved to be good marksmen and managed to take out three more troopers. Their companions were working on the last four when the two ducked behind a control desk.

 

“ We only need a few more,” Markus said out of breath. 

 

“Cover me and I’ll aim for the ones closest to the generator,” the two nodded and after a beat, Rynn got up and shot at the Trooper that was separated from the main group. She rejoiced when he fell but her happiness was short-lived when the others began to shoot at her. Markus aimed for the group as Rynn dove down behind the panel again. “Markus!” she screamed, begging him to take cover. Before he could process what she said, a blast hit Markus straight in the chest and he fell onto the floor. Tears stung Rynn’s eyes as she crawled towards him, she held him in her arms as he took his final breaths. 

 

“Destroy...the shield…” Markus’ voice began to fade away and Rynn began sobbing. She sat in the middle of the chaos with Markus in her arms until she forced herself to snap back to reality. The rebels were going to lose unless they could knock-out the generator and she wasn’t going to let Markus’ death be meaningless. Rynn gathered up her energy and focused on destroying the remaining troopers. She maneuvered her way to the shield generator and struggled to find a way to deactivate it. Screams of pain from both the rebels and the First Order echoed around her and panic began to set in. The chaos within the small building was rising and the longer it took to figure out how to destroy the generator, the longer everyone was in danger. A blast flew by her head and Rynn noticed the troopers were focusing their efforts on getting rid of her. In her distress she decided to shoot the generator, hoping that this would enough to disable the machine. 

 

Relief flooded her body once she realized the generator was disabled and the Resistance had a fighting chance again. Before she could even think of celebrating, a searing pain radiated out from her shoulder and down her arm. A choked sob escaped her mouth as she examined the blaster wound. Blood coated her hand and Rynn knew she had to fight and get out of there. She managed to get the remaining troopers in the small room before refocusing her remaining energy on getting herself away from the First Order base. 

 

Pain blurred her vision as she wandered around the building, lost within the labyrinth of the base. She heavily relied on the Force to help guide her to safety or at least to an area where she could collect herself. As she wandered through the endless hallways, she began to lose hope in her escape and in her survival. She leaned against the wall and allowed herself to cry out of both frustration and pain. But suddenly she felt something in the Force, something she hadn’t felt in person for almost a decade. 

“Ben,” she whispered to herself as she stumbled towards his presence. A blaring alarm rang out through the base and Rynn knew the Resistance ships were approaching.  _ They must think everyone has escaped or is dead. _ Rynn swallowed her pain and picked up the pace, hoping to evade the impending attack. She stumbled her way into a nearly empty hanger and she immediately felt her chest tighten. On the other side of the small space,  _ he  _ was there. 

 

Suddenly, everything came rushing back and she began to feel lightheaded. She remembered her nightmares, their past embraces, how he would smile at her when she told him how much she loved him. Now that they were no longer separated by time or space, Rynn wondered how he would react and what he would say. Would he be angry? Would he accept her back into his arms? Would he still love her?

 

“Ben!” She yelled, holding her injured shoulder in one hand and a blaster in the other. The stormtroopers acting as his guards turned to face the girl and aimed their blasters at her when they spotted her weapon. She felt frozen in place as she saw Ben tense and slowly turn to face her. Much like in her nightmare, the air around him was harsh, angry, and frustrated. She wondered if he would think of her as a trick sent either by Snoke or the Resistance. Before she could tell him that it was truly her, the troopers released fire and Rynn closed her eyes, waiting for death. 

 

When it didn’t come, she slowly opened her eyes and saw the blasts suspended in mid-air, just a few inches from her face. Her chest heaved up and down erratically as she tried to make sense of what was happening. Ben moved closer to her, trying to study her face to determine whether it was actually her. 

 

“You’re supposed to be dead,” he released the blasts and the two troopers fell to the floor. Rynn looked at their bodies and tears stung her eyes. 

 

“I know but I’m not. Ben please, let me explain-”

 

“Ben doesn’t exist and neither do you.” Rynn stared at him in disbelief as he repeated the same sentence from her nightmare.  _ It was real? How could it have been real? _

 

“I’m real, I’m alive,” she repeated, staring at the emotionless masked man in front of her. 

 

“You are a ghost of a memory.”

 

“I’m real, I didn’t die during the raid. Please, believe me.” Tears streamed down Rynn’s cheeks and all she wanted was to see Ben’s face. Resistance bombs shook the command center but the two were only focused on each other. Rynn knew she had to do something to win his trust or at least placate his anger. “I didn’t lie, I think about that day a lot and how much I regret not seeing you, not being able to save you from this life. I think about you almost everyday” She dropped her blaster and cautiously closed the distance between them. Ben tensed again but did not stop her. “It’s been years Ben but I love you just as much as I did back then,” she let her hand caress his mask but his hand gripped her wrist. Panic flooded her veins but it disappeared when she realized he was removing his helmet, allowing them to see each other face to face. Before she could look into his brown eyes for the first time in eight years, a piercing pain spread across her side. The pain was so intense that Rynn felt herself slowly losing consciousness.

 

“RYNN,” Ben yelled before catching her in his arms. She saw glimpses of his face and she smiled. 

“I love you,” she whispered before everything went black. 

 

Ben’s anger overpowered him and he searched for the origins of the blast. Once he spotted the stormtrooper, he quickly used the Force to choke him to death. He then returned his attention to the dying girl in his arms. He put on his mask and carried her out to his shuttle. He no longer cared about what was happening to his base or whether his men were dying. All he cared about was getting Rynn back to the Destroyer. She had to survive, she  _ had  _ to. He lost her once many years ago and he would not lose her again. 

* * *

 

Poe led another round of bombs on the base but a shuttle on the ground caught his eye. He looked down and saw Kylo Ren walking into it with something in his arms. His heart sank when he realized what-or should he say who- he was carrying. 

 

“NO,” Poe yelled out and struggled to come up with a plan to rescue Rynn. Before something came to mind, the shuttle took off and Poe felt useless. He couldn’t shoot it, he couldn’t follow it, he couldn’t do anything. He yelled again in frustration and cursed himself for failing to protect Rynn. He looked up at the disappearing ship and made a promise to find her, to bring her home. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for a bit of late update! I got the flu last week and have been trying to bounce back since then. But hopefully this makes up for it!


	6. Chapter 6

A dim light started filling Rynn’s sight and she wondered if this is what death looked like. However, it didn't feel warm and inviting like she was told to believe. Instead it was cold, so cold. Rynn’s eyes adjusted and she realized she wasn't dead. Suddenly everything came back to her. The battle, her wounds, her short-lived conversation with Ben. 

 

“Ben,” she hoarsely whispered. Her throat was dry and pain started to spread across her right side. A woman approached her and Rynn panicked. She was wearing a First Order uniform and an unamused expression. 

 

“Welcome back Unknown Patient 004. You're going to feel some pain, your wounds are healing but it takes time to return back to normal.” 

 

“Where's Ben?” Rynn stared at the woman and tried to calm her anger. Her pain level was slowly rising along with her impatience. The woman gave her a blank expression and Rynn realized Ben didn't exist to them. “Kylo...where's Kylo?” 

 

“He is taking care of a few things.” 

 

“When will he be back?” 

 

“He’s quite inconsistent. He could be back tomorrow or in a month.” The woman busied herself checking on her patient’s vitals as Rynn processed the new information. 

 

“How long have I been here?” Rynn’s voice cracked, giving away how terrified she felt. 

 

“Four days.” Rynn began crying involuntarily out of both disbelief and pain. Her side felt like it was on fire. “I believe it's time for more medicine.” Rynn heard a beep and relief flooded her veins. Suddenly things began to fade into darkness as she slipped into unconsciousness. 

 

Much like the first time, Rynn’s return to consciousness was met with the harsh environment of the First Order medical bay. The pain on her side was duller but it was still strong enough for her to grit her teeth. The same woman appeared to check on her. 

 

“Welcome back Unknown Patient 004. How are you feeling?” 

 

“Better but it still hurts,” she tried to sit up but gave up when she yelped in pain. “How long have I been here?” 

 

“A week.” 

 

“Is Kylo back?” 

 

“Unfortunately not but he is sent updates on your condition everyday.” 

 

“Did he say if he's coming back anytime soon?” 

 

“Kylo Ren isn't much of a communicator,” the woman frowned and began to pull out a new vial of medicine. Rynn’s eyes widened at the vial and she felt conflicted. The pain was still piercing enough that receiving the dosage would be a welcome relief. However, it would be met with more days spent floating through nothing while life continued around her. 

 

“I don’t want the whole dosage,” she began to protest and shied away from the approaching woman. “I don’t want to be knocked out for days at a time anymore.”

 

“I understand Unknown Patient 004 but we are under strict commands from Kylo Ren to keep you at the highest dosage until your wounds reach a significant level of healing,” before Rynn could protest the woman added the medicine to her line and the pain was swept away.

 

“Please, no,” Rynn slurred out before she once again fell into a forced slumber. 

 

As light filled her vision again, Rynn no longer felt confused by her surroundings instead she felt an overwhelming sense of anger. Ben still had not returned in the two weeks since she had been admitted to the medical bay, her wounds were still painful, and she had no control over anything. The nurses of the First Order seemed to only respect, or perhaps fear, Ben’s wishes despite Rynn’s very vocal objections. 

 

“Please send a message to Kylo Ren along with the daily update on my condition,” Rynn’s voice was calm,yet sprinkled with annoyance, “Tell him that I want control over what is done to my body and if he does not relinquish to this request, I will find a way to disappear like I did years ago.” The blonde nurse frowned at the bandaged girl before beginning her routine check on her vitals. 

 

“I am not sure he would appreciate that Unknown Patient-”

 

“Rynn,” she snapped, “My name is Rynn.”

 

“Well Rynn, I do not believe he would appreciate this request.”

 

“I do not care whether he would appreciate it or not,” Rynn grit her teeth as a sharp pain raced down her arm. Most times moving her arm would result in a dull pain but as they started slowly lowering her dosage, the pain increased in intensity. The nurse nodded, administered the dosage, and left the girl alone with her thoughts. 

 

Rynn was unsure which she preferred: unconsciousness or solitude. Being unconscious was physically and mentally taxing but being left alone for hours on end forced her to reflect on her current situation. After their reunion and her subsequent injuries, Rynn was convinced that Ben would have been at least on the same Destroyer when she first woke up. Instead, he was somewhere else tending to something that may take any length of time. However, he still managed to make his presence known by controlling every aspect of her life despite his physical absence. He deprived her from making decisions about her own health and didn’t allow her to communicate with him or anybody outside of the small number of nurses sent to check up on her. 

 

Rynn let her frustration drive her recovery process. Slowly, she began to regain her mobility and started to feel more like herself. She was pacing around the small room, content with the small pleasure of doing some type of physical activity. Like clockwork, the door slid open and Rynn awaited the nurse’s daily acknowledgements. A small part of Rynn felt guilty for her curtness the previous day and she knew she had to apologize. 

 

“Before you say anything, I would like to apolo-” Rynn felt that something was wrong. She stiffly turned around and was met by the blank stare of Kylo Ren’s mask. Furious emotions rolled off of Ben and fear pricked Rynn’s stomach. 

 

“Do not threaten me with your absence again.”  The fear that threatened to overwhelm Rynn a few moments ago disappeared and instead anger grew in its’ place. 

 

“Allow me to make decisions for myself and I won’t have to threaten you.” 

 

“I was doing what was best for you.” 

 

“How do you know what is best for me if you haven't seen me since you dropped me off here?” 

 

“You cannot be angry with me for caring about your health,” Ben tightly curled his hands into fists, trying so desperately to keep from losing control in front of her.  “After all this time,  _ you _ do not deserve to be angry.” Rynn stared at him in shock and tears began to well up in her eyes. 

 

“You think you are the only one that has suffered Ben?”

 

“Do not call me by that name. He no longer exists.”

 

“If Ben doesn’t exist then why am I here? I have no place in the life of Kylo Ren!” Anger bubbled out of Ben’s every pore but Rynn foolishly followed through with her own emotions. “Why am I here? Why did you decide to save me  _ Kylo _ ?” She spat out the name so many feared across the galaxy. 

 

“Because no matter what happens, no matter how strong my powers get, you still manage to haunt my mind. Now that I know you’re alive, I will not let you become a ghost in my memory.”

 

“This isn’t the way to do this,” Rynn gestured around and let the tears she had desperately tried to contain, spill out. “You don’t have to worry about me disappearing or leaving. I want to be with you,” she slowly closed the distance between them, “the real you.” She felt his hesitation but did not care. Her hand traveled to his mask but before she could touch it, his hand caught her wrist. Panic flashed across her mind but he completed the task she set out to do. For the first time in years, Rynn was able to clearly see Ben.

 

His brown eyes scanned her face, intent on noticing every little detail, every reaction. Rynn did the same before lightly tracing the scar on his face. He let her into his mind and played back how he became disfigured. Rynn sensed his rising anger and moved to placate him before it got out of control. She placed a light kiss on his scar then another and another until her lips were dangerously close to his. The two stared at each other and it suddenly felt like they did years ago, sneaking away to share secret moments. Ben’s lips crashed onto Rynn’s while he pulled her body closer to his. Her hands traveled across his chest before settling around his neck. Rynn reveled in the moment, in the feel of his body against hers, in the feel of his tongue in her mouth. 

 

“I will not lose you again Rynn.” She couldn’t decide whether it was a promise or a threat. Instead of dwelling on this, she simply nodded and relished in their embrace. 

 

“Don’t leave me here again. Please,” she pleaded. Ben’s arms tightened around her waist in response and pulled her closer to him. 

 

“Do not worry,” before she could protest Ben kissed her. She couldn’t focus on her fears or her worries because Ben was in front of her. His hands were on her body, his lips on hers. He was real and alive and in front of her. They were finally reunited and Rynn wouldn’t let anything ruin it. Not even the nagging feeling she felt deep down in her stomach. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. Things have gotten crazy with work and school. Hoping to keep to a tighter schedule. Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
